Monday, March 21, 2011

The Desire of My Heart

About six months ago, there developed in my heart an unrest that I could not shake.  It was the cry of discipleship and the challenge of leading a church and a people in the pursuit of a life and lifestyle that truly reflected the heart of Luke 6:40 (“Everyone when he is fully taught will be like his teacher” RSV).  It seemed that the more I prayed and thought about this whole concept, the more and more I became concerned that there was a disparity in the church between being a believer and being a disciple. 

Now to some I may be splitting hairs, but the reality is when you look at the Church today, you see many who believe in Jesus and embrace the benefits of salvation, but remain immature and seemingly unwilling to press on to a life that reflects the heart of Christ’s teachings on what it means to be a disciple.  For lack of a better term, they are spectators – enjoying the fruits of the game, but not actually on the playing field.  In contrast to that picture I have seen an entirely different group of people (tragically much less in number) whose hearts are fully engaged in the pursuit of the Christ-life.  They do not come to spectate at a game, but rather are actively in the arena – living out the commands of Christ and seeking with their entire being to reflect the heart of their Teacher (Jesus Christ) in every part and parcel of their existence.

As I have prayed over this disparity and the unrest it has created in my heart, I have become convinced that God desires to do a work in me and through me that communicates the essential call of authentic discipleship.  His call does not yield an easy believism, but rather a transformational life that results in a heart that is committed to reflecting Christ in daily living and in that active reflection bearing fruit that remains – lives that are touched by the Gospel communicated and transformed by the grace offered.

While on this time of sabbatical, I have found that unrest growing in me.  It seems as though God is saying that “now is the time” to first make certain that I live out personally and then communicate a radical commitment to authentic discipleship and what it means to “be like our Teacher.”

In my readings these past few days I have been drawn at this point to Bill Hull’s book The Disciple Making Pastor.*  In an insightful quote from Elton Trueblood I read, Perhaps the greatest single weakness of the contemporary Christian Church is that millions of supposed members are not really involved at all and, what is worse, do not think it strange that they are not.  As soon as we recognize Christ’s intention to make His Church a militant company we understand at once that the conventional arrangement cannot suffice.  There is no real chance of victory in a campaign if ninety per cent of the soldiers are untrained and uninvolved, but that is exactly where we stand now.  Most alleged Christians do not now understand that loyalty to Christ means sharing personally in His ministry, going or staying as the situation requires (23-24).  Hull goes on to say, the test of a congregation, apart from personal holiness, is how effectively members penetrate the world.  American churches are filled with pew-filling, sermon-tasting, spiritual schizophrenics, whose belief and behavior are not congruent (24).

In my heart, I do not want to believe that my ministry has yielded this kind of spectator people.  Yet, the reality is when I survey the growth of the congregations I have pastored these nearly 24 years, I see much, if not most of the growth in those congregations has come through transfer – what Hull calls the rotation of the saints (24).  My heart aches at the reality of that truth and I long for what Christ has called us to – to be authentic disciples whose lives are engaged in the process of reproducing ourselves in the hearts and lives of those we minister to and reach for Him.  What is most important is not numbers, but souls – harvested from a world and a culture that is lost and aimless, fixed in its pursuit of self and the promotion of ever deepening sin.

That brings me this day to the reality that the change must begin in me and then be translated through me into the hearts of those I shepherd.  I cannot remain the same, and neither can they.  We must break through the reality of spiritual lethargy George Barna characterized as thus: The chief barrier to effective discipleship is not that people do not have the ability to become spiritually mature, but they lack the passion, perspective, priorities, and perseverance to develop their spiritual lives…for most of us, regardless of our intellectual assent to the importance of Christian growth, our passions lay elsewhere – and our schedule and energy follow those passions.  Most believers, it turns out, are satisfied to engage in a process without regard for the product (35).  Hull comments, the trouble begins when we take on this philosophy, namely, ‘It’s primarily about me, I am the center, and my needs are preeminent’ (36).  That truth, more than anything else, has made the church miles wide and inches deep – and leaves me wondering, “do we even want to truly be disciples?”  My response is “Yes, I want to be an authentic disciple who reflects the heart of my Teacher” but I can only speak for me.  What of those I shepherd?  My heart cries out, I pray they will join me in this bold pursuit.

So what then is this life to which Christ and all of heaven is calling us to?  Hull comments we can summarize Jesus’ teaching on disciples as follows.  A disciple:

·         Is willing to deny self, take up a cross daily, and follow Him (Luke 9:23).
·         Puts Christ before self, family, and possessions (Luke 14:25-35).
·         Is committed to Christ’s teachings (John 8:31).
·         Is committed to world evangelism (Matthew 9:36-38).
·         Loves others as Christ loves (John 13:34-35).
·         Abides in Christ, is obedient, bears fruit, glorifies God, has joy, and loves the brethren (John 15:7-17).

If a person is not willing to make such commitments, Jesus declares emphatically three times, “He cannot be My disciple” (see Luke 14:26-27, 33). (75)

Further, citing John 15:7-17, Hull states that the six characteristics of the profile of a disciple are:

·         A disciple remains in Christ through the Word and prayer;
·         A disciple is obedient;
·         A disciple bears fruit;
·         A disciple glorifies God;
·         A disciple has joy; and
·         A disciple loves as Christ loves.

The product is a person who is formed into the likeness of our Leader.  Jesus was a man for others.  He came to offer Himself as a servant, and he sacrificed Himself.  His disciples’ first calling, then, is to choose the same life – a life of humility, submission, sacrifice, and service.  When we begin to live for others, we will begin to have the same effect on others as Jesus did.  Living for others in brokenness is where the power is.  Our brokenness is God’s special playground; it is where he becomes mature in us (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).  [Thus] what it means to be a disciple [is simply this]. “Rearrange your life around the practices of Jesus” (95).

And that is my prayer…that my life could be “rearranged around the practices of Jesus” to the point that as His student, I begin to reflect my Teacher, and so help others to truly find and reflect Him as well.  In praying that prayer, God has brought me to a place where I now am examining myself daily with a series of questions that John Wesley submitted to his “Holy Club” at Oxford in the mid-1700’s.  Wesley’s desire then was to be an authentic disciple and lead others to be the same, and he believed that in a spiritual exercise and discipline of self-examination, life could be lived in such a manner that it truly did reflect the heart of Jesus.  Here is the list that Wesley shared and that Christ is calling me to in this pursuit of being (or truly becoming) an authentic disciple who reflects the heart of his Teacher:

1.       Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2.       Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
3.       Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told to me in confidence?
4.       Can I be trusted?
5.       Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?
6.       Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
7.       Did the Bible live in me today?
8.       Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?
9.       Am I enjoying prayer?
10.   When did I last speak to someone else about my faith?
11.   Do I pray about the money I spend?
12.   Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
13.   Do I disobey God in anything?
14.   Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
15.   Am I defeated in any part of my life?
16.   Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?
17.   How do I spend my spare time?
18.   Am I proud?
19.   Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?
20.   Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?
21.   Do I grumble or complain constantly?
22.   Is Christ real to me?

Oh Lord, may Your life and Your heart be seen in me!


Bill Hull, The Disciple Making Pastor: Leading Others on the Journey of Faith (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007)

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