The Desire of My Heart

About six months ago, there developed in my heart an unrest that I could not shake.  It was the cry of discipleship and the challenge of leading a church and a people in the pursuit of a life and lifestyle that truly reflected the heart of Luke 6:40 (“Everyone when he is fully taught will be like his teacher” RSV).  It seemed that the more I prayed and thought about this whole concept, the more and more I became concerned that there was a disparity in the church between being a believer and being a disciple. 

Now to some I may be splitting hairs, but the reality is when you look at the Church today, you see many who believe in Jesus and embrace the benefits of salvation, but remain immature and seemingly unwilling to press on to a life that reflects the heart of Christ’s teachings on what it means to be a disciple.  For lack of a better term, they are spectators – enjoying the fruits of the game, but not actually on the playing field.  In contrast to that picture I have seen an entirely different group of people (tragically much less in number) whose hearts are fully engaged in the pursuit of the Christ-life.  They do not come to spectate at a game, but rather are actively in the arena – living out the commands of Christ and seeking with their entire being to reflect the heart of their Teacher (Jesus Christ) in every part and parcel of their existence.

As I have prayed over this disparity and the unrest it has created in my heart, I have become convinced that God desires to do a work in me and through me that communicates the essential call of authentic discipleship.  His call does not yield an easy believism, but rather a transformational life that results in a heart that is committed to reflecting Christ in daily living and in that active reflection bearing fruit that remains – lives that are touched by the Gospel communicated and transformed by the grace offered.

While on this time of sabbatical, I have found that unrest growing in me.  It seems as though God is saying that “now is the time” to first make certain that I live out personally and then communicate a radical commitment to authentic discipleship and what it means to “be like our Teacher.”

In my readings these past few days I have been drawn at this point to Bill Hull’s book The Disciple Making Pastor.*  In an insightful quote from Elton Trueblood I read, Perhaps the greatest single weakness of the contemporary Christian Church is that millions of supposed members are not really involved at all and, what is worse, do not think it strange that they are not.  As soon as we recognize Christ’s intention to make His Church a militant company we understand at once that the conventional arrangement cannot suffice.  There is no real chance of victory in a campaign if ninety per cent of the soldiers are untrained and uninvolved, but that is exactly where we stand now.  Most alleged Christians do not now understand that loyalty to Christ means sharing personally in His ministry, going or staying as the situation requires (23-24).  Hull goes on to say, the test of a congregation, apart from personal holiness, is how effectively members penetrate the world.  American churches are filled with pew-filling, sermon-tasting, spiritual schizophrenics, whose belief and behavior are not congruent (24).

In my heart, I do not want to believe that my ministry has yielded this kind of spectator people.  Yet, the reality is when I survey the growth of the congregations I have pastored these nearly 24 years, I see much, if not most of the growth in those congregations has come through transfer – what Hull calls the rotation of the saints (24).  My heart aches at the reality of that truth and I long for what Christ has called us to – to be authentic disciples whose lives are engaged in the process of reproducing ourselves in the hearts and lives of those we minister to and reach for Him.  What is most important is not numbers, but souls – harvested from a world and a culture that is lost and aimless, fixed in its pursuit of self and the promotion of ever deepening sin.

That brings me this day to the reality that the change must begin in me and then be translated through me into the hearts of those I shepherd.  I cannot remain the same, and neither can they.  We must break through the reality of spiritual lethargy George Barna characterized as thus: The chief barrier to effective discipleship is not that people do not have the ability to become spiritually mature, but they lack the passion, perspective, priorities, and perseverance to develop their spiritual lives…for most of us, regardless of our intellectual assent to the importance of Christian growth, our passions lay elsewhere – and our schedule and energy follow those passions.  Most believers, it turns out, are satisfied to engage in a process without regard for the product (35).  Hull comments, the trouble begins when we take on this philosophy, namely, ‘It’s primarily about me, I am the center, and my needs are preeminent’ (36).  That truth, more than anything else, has made the church miles wide and inches deep – and leaves me wondering, “do we even want to truly be disciples?”  My response is “Yes, I want to be an authentic disciple who reflects the heart of my Teacher” but I can only speak for me.  What of those I shepherd?  My heart cries out, I pray they will join me in this bold pursuit.

So what then is this life to which Christ and all of heaven is calling us to?  Hull comments we can summarize Jesus’ teaching on disciples as follows.  A disciple:

·         Is willing to deny self, take up a cross daily, and follow Him (Luke 9:23).

·         Puts Christ before self, family, and possessions (Luke 14:25-35).

·         Is committed to Christ’s teachings (John 8:31).

·         Is committed to world evangelism (Matthew 9:36-38).

·         Loves others as Christ loves (John 13:34-35).

·         Abides in Christ, is obedient, bears fruit, glorifies God, has joy, and loves the brethren (John 15:7-17).

If a person is not willing to make such commitments, Jesus declares emphatically three times, “He cannot be My disciple” (see Luke 14:26-27, 33). (75)

Further, citing John 15:7-17, Hull states that the six characteristics of the profile of a disciple are:

·         A disciple remains in Christ through the Word and prayer;

·         A disciple is obedient;

·         A disciple bears fruit;

·         A disciple glorifies God;

·         A disciple has joy; and

·         A disciple loves as Christ loves.

The product is a person who is formed into the likeness of our Leader.  Jesus was a man for others.  He came to offer Himself as a servant, and he sacrificed Himself.  His disciples’ first calling, then, is to choose the same life – a life of humility, submission, sacrifice, and service.  When we begin to live for others, we will begin to have the same effect on others as Jesus did.  Living for others in brokenness is where the power is.  Our brokenness is God’s special playground; it is where he becomes mature in us (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).  [Thus] what it means to be a disciple [is simply this]. “Rearrange your life around the practices of Jesus” (95).

And that is my prayer…that my life could be “rearranged around the practices of Jesus” to the point that as His student, I begin to reflect my Teacher, and so help others to truly find and reflect Him as well.  In praying that prayer, God has brought me to a place where I now am examining myself daily with a series of questions that John Wesley submitted to his “Holy Club” at Oxford in the mid-1700’s.  Wesley’s desire then was to be an authentic disciple and lead others to be the same, and he believed that in a spiritual exercise and discipline of self-examination, life could be lived in such a manner that it truly did reflect the heart of Jesus.  Here is the list that Wesley shared and that Christ is calling me to in this pursuit of being (or truly becoming) an authentic disciple who reflects the heart of his Teacher:

1.       Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?

2.       Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

3.       Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told to me in confidence?

4.       Can I be trusted?

5.       Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?

6.       Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?

7.       Did the Bible live in me today?

8.       Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

9.       Am I enjoying prayer?

10.   When did I last speak to someone else about my faith?

11.   Do I pray about the money I spend?

12.   Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

13.   Do I disobey God in anything?

14.   Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?

15.   Am I defeated in any part of my life?

16.   Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?

17.   How do I spend my spare time?

18.   Am I proud?

19.   Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?

20.   Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?

21.   Do I grumble or complain constantly?

22.   Is Christ real to me?

Oh Lord, may Your life and Your heart be seen in me!

Bill Hull, The Disciple Making Pastor: Leading Others on the Journey of Faith (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007)

Lessons for the Living

Four character concepts – authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage.  Writing of the commonalities in the demise of six CEO’s, Tim Irwin* uses these four concepts to describe the places where people in leadership make grave mistakes.  He also points out that when they become points of focus, they can help the leader to not only succeed, but excel in the pursuit of their goals.

Irwin defines these four concepts through example and helps us to see the effect of not getting it right.  At the same time, he focuses our thoughts on what it means to have or be each of the four concepts:

1.      A failure of authenticity is not a blatant attempt to deceive but rather is a failure to let others see who we really are (111).  When we see people who actually are who they “appear” to be, we call them authentic.  There’s alignment between the inner person and the outer person (114).  Becoming more authentic is not without risks; however, a person’s unwillingness to risk expression of their true beliefs and convictions and to break through the “authenticity barrier” eventually becomes their undoing.  Lack of authenticity becomes a derailment factor (116).

2.      Self-management may be best defined as skill, insight, sensitivity, impulse control, optimism, and persistence applied in the particular environment in which we work and live (123).  Effective self-management is heavily dependent upon good self and other awareness.  A lack of self and other awareness is a common denominator among those who derail.  The ability to manage ourselves and to manage our relationships is heavily dependent upon our perceptiveness of what’s going on within us and others.  Self-aware individuals pay attention to their emotions without being ruled by them.  They observe the responses of others and are able to adjust their behavior to make their interaction more effective (126).  One interesting component in the area of self-management is the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ).  As defined by Daniel Goleman, EQ comprises the capability to be self-aware, self-managing, interpersonally effective, stress tolerant, and optimistic.  Goleman’s research indicates that the higher a leader rises in an organization, the less important technical skills become and the more important EQ becomes (125).

3.      Humility is not about being self-deprecating or arrogant.  It’s about self-forgetfulness, remembering that in our jobs we’re seeking to serve others.  All jobs have a “that is why I’m here” factor.  The “why” is usually to serve a customer or to provide information or resources to someone who serves a customer.  Humility is about an accurate self-assessment – “My job is important and I need to do it well” – but it’s also the freedom to not inflate who you are or what you’re doing (137).  Humility at work means we are coachable.  “Coachability” has nothing to do with age or position (139).  Irwin cites an old axiom to illustrate the point of humility: “If the leader didn’t come to work today, everything would probably get done; if the people didn’t come to work today, nothing would get done” (138).

4.      Courage is not being unafraid.  It’s about choosing to do the right thing under difficult circumstances (149).  A courageous act only occurs when we are also convinced that something is true and truly important, rather than simply a preference (150).  Courage to do the right thing results from clarity about what we believe (153).

Having worked through those definitions, I personally see incredible value in incorporating their positive focus into my scheme of “non-negotiables” that are to be a part of the second half of my journey.  No doubt, there have been times in my journey to this point where I can see points at which I have not measured up in regards to the four of the areas in question at differing times and places.  But for me, the focus is not to be gripped by a sense of failure, but rather a commitment to answering the question, “What am I going to do about it?”  Socrates once said that “The life which is unexamined is not worth living” (151).  In my pursuit to be the authentic disciple that Christ has called me to, a healthy self-examination must ensue, and that is what I am committed to in these days of discovery.

Two thoughts pervade my mind and heart today:

1.      While critics may be many, Jesus made it clear that we were to remove the log from our own eye before addressing the speck in someone else’s (Matthew 7:3-4).  In our culture today, we are all tempted to point an accusing finger when things don’t go as we desire.  What would happen though if instead of looking to others to find a scapegoat, we simply looked within and allowed God to examine our hearts?  I love the prayer of David, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139:23-24, NASB).  His words do not illicit a sense of being vengeful or accusatory – instead they reflect a desire to go deep within and make certain that as an individual he was not the problem.  That is my desire.  To allow God to search my heart to make certain that as I move into the second half of my journey, that I will live with a clear sense of certainty knowing that God knows me and that He has made me to know myself so that I can be authentic, self-mastered, humble, and courageous.

2.      Secondly, I must always remember the example of Jesus.  His is a picture of a life that was lived truly authentic, fully self-mastered and aware, humble to a fault, and courageous in all things.  If I am to be His disciple, I must so order my world, not because I have to, but because I want to.  I want to reflect the very heart of Jesus, and in so doing, reveal to others a life on a journey that refuses to be derailed by the pettiness that comes from wearing masks, or blaming others, or being arrogant, or simply, refusing to act.  I must pattern my life and my living after the One who never wore the mask of falsehood, or sought to blame others, or exerted pressure because of His position, or idly stood by and let things happen because He refused to act.  I must, as it were, put on authenticity (measured through accountability), self-management (realizing I am His Temple in every area of my life, and that I must know and respond to the culture within which I am living), humility (accepting nothing for myself that Christ might in all things be glorified), and courageous (choosing to act out of a sense of what I know to be true and truthful, right and certain), that in all things His kingdom might be advanced in and through me.

I close these thoughts admitting that God is seriously at work in my heart.  I can see through what He is doing that He is shaping my heart for something greater than I have previously known.  There is depth of character and purpose.  There is a resiliency to criticism and attack.  There is a motivation to act in concert with the One who is leading me.  And there is a new and strong desire to step beyond what has up to this point become very comfortable and live on the edge of the dangerous – where obedience to God alone captures my attention and captivates the pursuit of my life.  I no longer want to maintain the status quo or serve in environments that tolerate anything less than excellence.  I want to model Christ, to mirror Christ, and to share Christ in every area of my life and being.  I want to authentically be (both publicly and privately) the person Christ alone knows.  I want to master both my own life and be a student of the culture in which I live to serve and be aware of all that it has to offer, and all the traps and temptations that it puts in my way so that I do not fall prey to its seduction.  I want to exude humility – not to the point of self-deprecation, but so as to live in a manner that Christ gets all the credit.  And I want to be a man of courage – who acts as the Spirit leads, not according to the sound of the loudest drummer or the whims and fancies of man, but in step with the One whose Church I love and whose will I ultimately want to fulfill with my life.  Lord, help me to be that man and so to live regardless of the cost or consequences.

*Tim Irwin, Derailed: Five Lessons Learned From Catastrophic Failures of Leadership (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2009)

Lord, dont' let me be DERAILED!

Today I read Tim Irwin's book Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership.*  It chronicles in brief the failures of six CEO's and the steps that led to their demise.  As he progresses to tell the story of each and then make observations of the similar components in their stories of leadership failure, he delineates four major qualities of CHARACTER that must be held in balance to find success in leadership.

It is best to share a quote from the early pages of the book to set up the story and how it has impacted me: (see page 17)

I (Irwin) noted that derailment often results from a failure of character.  Character forms our perspectives, guides our decisions, and influences how we treat others.  [As] we unpack the character-rooted qualities that actually cause derailment, it will become apparent that there are only four.  Though expressed in a variety of different behaviors, they are all tied to a lack of or failure of one of these four critical qualities:

1. Authenticity
2. Self-management
3. Humility
4. Courage

As Irwin defines CHARACTER he is not talking about a behavior that results in a sense of dishonesty that results in fraudulent behavior, but rather compromised character in a broader sense - for example, hubris or being dismissive of others (xvi). 

As I think about how Irwin sees character, I realize how significant the responses of each of the leaders whose story he chronicled need to be examined in the light of my own life as a leader -- albeit I lead a church, not a Fortune 500 company.  Listen to his words: Character forms our perspectives, guides our decisions, and influences how we treat others (17).  Unlike a more traditional understanding where character has a significant moral/ethical component, Irwin is more concerned about the relational and practical components that speak to issues not only in the corporate world view, but also have incredible impact in a Christian world view.

As I have thought today about his key character components of authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage, I have been amazed at how many points of application in my life, leadership style, relationships, and world Irwin's insights truly have.  Irwin's words on character are powerful and leave me thinking through my own "character" positions and what I see as important in my world.  Listen to some of the thoughts he shares...

Life is full to the brim with opportunities for good or evil -- our character determines which way we will go (100).

We always become who we are.  It may take time or stress or illness, but what's inside us tends to come out.  Our character serves as the wellspring from which our behavior emerges (100).

Character must outweight charisma.  Character is not about personal charm or appeal.  Sound character works like a boat's ballast, so that when we encounter turbulence, we don't keel over and take on water.  If we are top heavy and place more emphasis on having a vivacious personality, dressing for success, or having a slick presentation than on having substance, we are eventually going to sink (101).

Character is the foundation of great leadership.  We have to get this right to stay on track.  Leaders must set direction, gain alignment among diverse constituencies, risk change, build high-performing teams, achieve results, go the extra mile, and endure ungodly stress.  To be enthusiastically followed, leaders must also be guided by an inner compass that fosters trust on the part of their followers (102).

Over the next week or so, I will share how Irwin's four key components are intersecting my life and how I feel they need to intersect the heart of the church.  In reality, everything he writes has application in my life and in the world of the church where I live and serve.  My prayer is that unlike the six CEO's whose stories he chronicled, sharing their demise and failures, that I will be found faithful and that the church I lead will respond to the higher call to go into all that world and make disciples -- for that is truly the only thing we are to be about.




*Tim Irwin, Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2009).

A Resilient Life

Today I read Gordon MacDonald's book The Resilient Life*.  Recommended to me by a former professor, Dr. Larry Fine, it was a great read that challenged me in many areas today.  While it was a quick and easy read, the impact of the words that passed through my heart as I read was profound.

 

One particular thought came to me as I was reading in the very first chapter.  MacDonald quotes 1 Timothy 4:12-16 and then comments:

 

Paul is challenging Timothy to scour his life, to place it -- as it were -- under a microscope and assure that every part of it is operating according to the highest of Christian standards.  "Set an example" for people, he urges Timothy.  In other words, live in such a way that people want to follow you.  The literal rendering of Paul's words are, "Stamp yourself on people's lives."  Paul's notion of Timothy's influence is broad sweeping: in speech (the things you say and the way you say them), in life (the qualities of your living routines), in love (the characteristics of your personal relationships), in faith (the way you love God), and in purity (your moral life).  In all of these ways, Timothy's life is to be a canvas upon which the Christlike life is painted and which people can study (16, 17). 

 

A month or two ago, I asked this question in one of my messages: Do we live like we actually believe that Jesus Christ is present and watching?  As I thought about that question today in light of what I read, I was reminded how important Paul's words to Timothy really are...SET AN EXAMPLE...live in such a manner that as Christ observes and the world watches, you make a difference through the way in which you live your life.

 

Often we read these verses from 1 Timothy to the youth of the church.  We get caught up in that part that says, don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, yet the reality is, in the face of eternity, these words are timeless and applicable to all of us.  What about our speech, our lives, the way we love, our faith, and our commitment to purity and living the holy life is lacking -- or is in need of repair?  What in us, in you -- in me, needs to be changed that Christ might be seen? 

 

In my journey these days, I am spending lots of time thinking through what it means to stand "clean before my Lord" as an old youth choir number I sang once upon a time really means.  I am asking the Lord to search me.  But more than asking Him to search me, I am asking Him to point out the places where I need to change, and then proceed through the power of the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and change to my life -- now!  I am not willing to think about it.  I am no longer willing to consider what the options may be.  If He sees a need or a deficit in my character, I want to change now!  I want to reflect Him and nothing else in every area and arena of my life.

 

I have entered into a time of renewal -- of self mastery in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit.  I want to truly be able to say with Paul, Christ, not I lives in me.  And on this journey I am finding one certain thing -- through my act of intention God has come incredibly near and is doing the one thing I need most -- bring my whole being into conformity to His will in the power of the Holy Spirit.  I can only respond by saying His grace truly is sufficient for me!

 

My prayer is that what God is doing in my heart will spread.  I pray that I can return home from this sabbatical and bring with me what Jim Cymbala called a fresh wind, fresh fire.  May God grant the desire of my heart, and may He find me faithful!

 

 

 

*Gordon MacDonald, The Resilient Life (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004)

Convictions and what they say about me...

In his book, Faith and Doubt, pastor and author John Ortberg shares a picture of Michael Novak's delineation of the three types of convictions we all have regarding what we believe.

He begins with a discussion of our public convictions.  These are "the things that we want others to think we believe, even though we really may not believe them" (42).  Here he highlights the fact that "sometimes being a part of a community of faith increases the temptation to pretend to believe what we really don't" (43).

Next he talks about private convictions.  These are the things that "I sincerely think I believe, but it turns out they may be fickle or illusory" (44).  "Private convictions seem to be real at the time, but when circumstances shift, they are revealed to be hollow" (44).  Interesting enough, Ortberg goes on to say that "sometimes private convictions may involve self-deception: we want to believe something or are committed to believing something even though at some level we know it is false (45).

Finally he comes to what he calls core convictions, and Ortberg says of them that they are "the ones that really matter...[they] are revealed by our daily actions, by what we actually do...[and] might be called the 'mental map'...[and] these mental maps [reveal] the way we think things really are and the way life really works" (46). 

While I understand the presence of the private and public convictions, these core convictions are the place where I am living these days -- discovering the non-negotiables in my journey and seeing how they actually lead to a heightened sense of spiritual awareness and "ministerial success", that is finding fruitfulness in what I do.  Ortberg declares of these core convictions that "they reveal [what] I really do believe by my actions" (48).

With that in mind, I have been seeking to evaluate and discover my own personal vision statement for the second half of my life journey.  For years I have lived with this statement as my guide: I exist to celebrate and communicate the truth as it is found in Jesus Christ, and to invite people of all ages into a vital and growing relationship with Him.  While that has been effective in guiding my personal and professional life for years, my journey in recent months has become less and less global and more and more focused. I find myself asking asking again and again -- what is my purpose?  Why am I here?  What does God want me to be and to do in this part of my journey?

Those questions have produced a deep-seated desire to re-define my vision for life and what exactly needs to be the focus of the second half of my journey.  This image is a picture of my core convictions (in Ortberg's terms) or God's Chazoan for my life (in Groeschel's terms).  Whatever, this is what I am and this what my heart says I am to be about:

I exist to be and help others become authentic disciples of Jesus Christ that together we might transform our community and help them to discover wholeness in Christ.

A few terms deserve definition:

• authentic disciples - those who truly reflect the heart of Luke 6:40 (the disciple, when fully taught, is like his teacher)
• transform - it is one thing to exist in a community.  It is entirely another to make a positive difference while living there, and that difference is the transformation I am speaking of
• community - not just the place where I live, but the places I might also influence through the living out of my life
• wholeness in Christ - my focus is not only on simple evangelism, but leading others to become, in like manner, authentic disciples of Jesus.  The concept of "wholeness in Christ" is best understood in terms William Greathouse shared in his book by this title.  There he defines "wholeness in Christ" as the heartfelt experience of heart cleansing and holy living, which ought to be the goal of any authentic disciple for that is the pattern Jesus sets before us.

So there it is -- the guiding statement of the second half of my journey.  Discovering the non-negotiables in my life flows from this.  There is of course my personal faith in Christ and its development.  There are the essential relationships that I share with Debbie and the kids.  There is that fulfilling of my call from God as a vocational minister.  But there is also that sense of leading, guiding, and directing others to Him, and realizing that my focus must not be hindered by all the other encroachments on my time and energies that detract from that purpose.  I must live to be and help others become authentic disciples that we might in turn transform our community by leading even more into that authentic discipleship to which we are committed.

Chazown - The Anger-Bliss Factor

My journey takes me today to thinking through my core values and developing a clear understanding of the non-negotiables that must be present in my life for the second half of the journey.  In the process of developing that list, I am working through Craig Groeschel's book and material on God's Chazown* for my life.

In the midst of this journey it is easy to establish the list of things that are highest priority to me that will always be there: my relationship and time with the Lord, my relationship with my beautiful wife Debbie, my relationship with my little princess Kaitlin, my relationship with my not so little man Andrew, my family, the living out of my call in ministry, my friendships -- and a new non-negotiable - discovering health and wholeness physically and emotionally.  I have always taken care of the spiritual, but have allowed the physical and emotional to wain over the years -- that is now changing.

The next step in the journey is to be reminded of the biblical moral values that apply to everyone and must be part of my non-negotiable list.  Here I am talking about things like "honesty, compassion, diligence, patience, and humility.  They're God's way and they lead to God's best for everyone" (Chazown, 32).  But then there is also that list of things that are unique to me and that is where this journey takes a very reflective and consciously much more difficult effort.

Groeschel delineates this part of the pursuit "The Anger-Bliss Factor" and here the focus is on answering two very personal, very revealing questions:

1. What stirs righteous anger inside of me?
2. What kind of relationship or activity brings me deep feelings of meaning and fulfillment, and hapily drives me to achieve?

The first question illicits lots of stuff inside of me.  I am passionate about integrity and when I see breaches of it, I am deeply angered.  I am passionate about responsibility -- doing it right all the time, and when I see people taking short cuts, it frustrates me incredibly.  I struggle with the whole concept of justice and when I see people beat the system, I am frustrated beyond words.  I struggle with the prevalence of selfishness in the world I live in -- and am angered when people can't see beyond themselves and demand that everything be as they want it.  I hate falsehood and compromise and hypocrites - these things ought not be.  And my list goes on and on.

But then I turn to the things that bring me bliss.  Oh what joy I find in relationships and being with people.  I am energized to help others become all that God gifted them to be.  I am energized when people come into a relationship with Jesus Christ, and love to see the opportunities I have to share Him.  I love to see people engage others in our community and reach out to them in Christ's love.  I am passionate about family and fellowship and fun -- and in that to live out a faith that is real and lively.  I love to help others and care for them deeply.  I am jazzed by ministry and preaching and serving, and once again the list goes on and on.

As I think through these things, I am caught by the importance of this pursuit to discover and understand these core values that drive my life.  Groeschel asks a most important question: "What do you know is so important that you'll let go of everything else in order to grasp it?" (Chazown 39)  That is what I am working through (and wrestling with) this day.  Ultimately, I want to truly know what drives me and then choosing to living out of that understanding, be driven by my strengths and not just things that others think I ought to do!

My prayer is simply this: Lord, I want to know you and all that you have for my life.  I want to be engaged in doing what you created me to do, and learn to trust that others will do the rest.  I want to focus, to minimize my pursuits, to zero in on what matters most for me, not just what matters.  Help me Lord to see as you see, to embrace what You want me to embrace, to be what You want me to be, and to do what You want me to do.  Then I will find the peace and joy -- the fulfillment You desire for me to experience in this next step in my journey.  Amen.


* Craig Groeschel, Chazown (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books, 2010).

Discovery -- Life on the Journey

Andy Stanley once wrote "Everyone ends up somewhere.  But few people end up somewhere on purpose" (Visioneering, 8).  As I sit here this morning looking out at the snowcapped West Elk Mountains to the east and the snowcapped San Juans to the south, I have found the perfect place to begin what I am now calling "the discovery."

Reading Craig Groeschel's book Chazown I am reminded that God has always had a special plan for my life.  I have not always seen it, and neither have I always lived it, but in spite of my obedience or lack of it as well as my best efforts along the way -- God still saw something special for me.  Quoting Isaiah 46:10, Groeschel reminded me of a powerful truth I have often overlooked:

I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come.  I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.

David declared,

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:15-16)

The reality is "before God starts something, He is certain of the outcome" (Chazown, 7), and when we choose God's plan for our lives and realize that He "calls us to live on purpose, keeping the end in view" (Chazown, 7) we suddenly realize (or discover) how amazingly big it is to be a child of the King and know that He has a plan and will guide you into its discovery -- provided you keep your eyes only on Him.

I honestly think this is what this sabbatical is supposed to be for me.  Not that I haven't lived faithfully in the past or up to this moment, but like too many, I have fallen prey to the distractions that are so much a part of our lives today.  It is so easy to exchange the busyness of the moment and doing "good things" for resting in His intention of having us do the things He ordains in the pursuit of His chazown for us.  As Groeschel writes, "When you begin to understand what you're supposed to do, you can better discern what you're not supposed to do" (Chazown, 12).

That is the heart of the first two steps in my journey -- realizing the non-negotiables that must be a part of my journey, and discovering the things that are keeping me from realizing God's best for my journey and eliminating them.  The process is not easy.  I tend to see everything that I do as significant and important -- but not all of it is -- and eliminating some things for the sake of embracing others is not easy for me -- but it is necessary, and not just for me, but for all of us.

I want to discover God's best for the second half of my journey.  I want to realize nothing other than His Chazown for my life.  Listen to this prayer from Jeanie Curryer.  it says best what I, and probably you too need to ask of the Lord...

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves.  When our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore.  Disturb us, Lord.  (Chazown, 15)

May those words be the heart of our journey.