On liking, loving, and honoring those difficult people in my life!

I'm sitting here this afternoon going over the material for my Sunday morning sermon and listening to the Lord as He speaks to me about the application of several difficult passages of scripture.  Tomorrow I will preaching on what it means to not just love, but to actually like people in the world around us.  We'll look at a number of scriptures and some key components on how to make this a reality.  The problem though is that words are easily spoken but not so easy to apply.  Seldom do we struggle with the command to love one another.  But how often do we realize that you can't really love someone without first liking them?  If my heart is not predisposed toward relationship, what is the purpose of the extending of love?  Relationship demands a sense of like long before it becomes love and when we finally realize that, we are released to truly embrace and fulfill Christ's command.

I live in a world where I often hear people say, "I'll love them, but I don't have to like them."  Last week I shared with my congregation that you can't say that and truly express love.  Love demands like and vice versa.  But what happens when the people in your pathway are unlikeable or unlovable?  What happens when they grate you the wrong way and you'd rather lash out than reach out in unity and love?

Christ calls us to a higher standard.  It is what sets Christianity apart as a relational belief system.  In practicing our faith, we must move beyond platitudes and embrace authentic action.  We must learn to like and then to love even the most difficult people in our pathway.  I don't like that anymore than the next guy.  There are people in my life that are what HB London called, "joy suckers."  They suck the life right out of you when you are around them.  But if I am who I claim to be, I can't turn my back on them.  I can't reject them.  I must show Christ to them and that means that I enter in a relationship of like and love with them that through me they can see Jesus.  It hasn't been and isn't easy.  I often fail.  But on those occasions where I let Christ lead the way, it is amazing how even the unlikeable suddenly seem to have things about them that are attractive to me.  It's amazing how the unlovable suddenly seem to have something magnetic about them.  With Christ pointing me forward, I find myself liking and loving and even showing honor to them.  It's His call.  It's what it means to be like Jesus.  It's what our world needs if we are ever going to get beyond all this relational brokenness.  The question is, "will we respond and let God work this liking, loving, honoring work through us?"

Join me on this journey and let's see if we can't just make a real and lasting difference.

Be The Change

Gandhi once wrote, "Be the change you want to see in the world."  As I think about that statement and consider all that it means for me, I realize how great a responsibility I have - in fact we all have - to be agents of change and transformation in culture.  Someone once said that if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten.  Too often we sit back and find fault with things around us that remain the same and continue to be the proverbial "burr in our saddle" not because they have such great and lasting power and are oblivious to change - but because we have simply failed to address their fault and offer something different.

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that at the point where grace intersects our life we are made new.  The word he uses there is a Greek word that refers to something that has never existed before.  In other words, when we give our lives to Christ we are transformed - changed from the inside out and made into a completely new being.  That grace transformation issues itself in a new world of responsibility, for a few verses later we are called "ambassadors."  That is a powerful word.  It refers to one who goes on behalf of or represents another with all the rights and power of the one they represent.  In this case, we would go on behalf of Christ Jesus - with all the rights and power of who He is with the ability IN HIM to effect change in our world.

That brings me back to Gandhi.  If I want to live in a world filled with love and grace and goodness, then I must be the very reflection of the love, grace, and goodness that I seek.  If I want my world to embrace the Gospel and teachings of Jesus Christ, then I must be the very reflection of one who has embraced the Gospel and teachings of Jesus Christ.  I want my world to change.  I am tired of the negativism and the suffering and the brokenness that is so much a part of the people and the lives that I encounter on a daily basis.  But that change to something different, something better - to become transformed by Christ won't just happen.  I have to lead the way.  I have to be the change that I want to see.  I must reflect His heart, His love, His grace, His transforming power at work in me, so that through me He can bring those things to my world.

That is my heart's desire.  It is all that I want.  I wonder...would you join me on that journey?  Would you help me to transform our world by being the Christ-centered change that we want to see?

PDCA - A Model for Navigating Change

As part of my doctoral program I developed a project for addressing the process through which churches can navigate seasons of change.  Deming's Model has been very helpful in times past and I share it here as a process for navigating change not only in the church, but in any area of our lives.

Deming’s PDCA Model for carrying out change.  Developed as a business model for continuous improvement, I have found this model to be an excellent process guide for working through change in the church.

Plan. Recognize an opportunity and plan a change.

Do. Test the change. Carry out a small-scale study.

Check. Review the test, analyze the results and identify what you’ve learned.

Act. Take action based on what you learned in the study step: If the change did not work, go through the cycle again with a different plan. If you were successful, incorporate what you learned from the test into wider changes. Use what you learned to plan new improvements, beginning the cycle again.*

* Source: http://asq.org/learn-about-quality/project-planning-tools/overview/pdca-cycle.html, (accessed January 30, 2013).

Applying the Model for Working Through Change in the Church or Life…

Plan. Pray and establish a clear sense of vision and direction. Determine necessary changes to be made.

Do. Launch the changes slowly and as small steps.  Crawling always proceeds walking and running!

Check. Evaluate response, buy-in, mission/vision understanding, and make adjustments as needed.

Act. Implement change as the Lord leads through the process, and repeat the process over and again as you continue seeking to fulfill the mission/vision for the church!

Refocus

In his book Worship Matters, Bob Kauflin shares this thought: "God hasn't called us to be successful or popular -- He's called us to be faithful." In a culture and age that is driven to following the successful and popular, I wonder how much would change in the church if we only sought after the faithful?

Too often the church seems enamored by those who get the highest ratings or draw the largest crowds. But what about those who serve in the relative obscurity of the smaller crowds with the ordinary facilities and the not so flashy programming and ministries? What about those who have never written a book, or spoken at a conference, or got their name quoted by some big name star in the mega-church movement? What about the guys who still make their own hospital calls, and still perform the weddings at their church, and still bury the saints and conduct the board meetings, and vacuum the carpets and occasionally clean the bathrooms? Are they any less successful? Should they be deemed any less popular or significant?

I believe that the church has largely lost its focus. We are attracted to all the wrong things. Jesus never called us to be successful or popular as Bob Kauflin writes! He called us to be faithful...and my heart's pledge to Him is that will be my daily focus as long as He gives me life and breath!

The Desire of My Heart

About six months ago, there developed in my heart an unrest that I could not shake.  It was the cry of discipleship and the challenge of leading a church and a people in the pursuit of a life and lifestyle that truly reflected the heart of Luke 6:40 (“Everyone when he is fully taught will be like his teacher” RSV).  It seemed that the more I prayed and thought about this whole concept, the more and more I became concerned that there was a disparity in the church between being a believer and being a disciple. 

Now to some I may be splitting hairs, but the reality is when you look at the Church today, you see many who believe in Jesus and embrace the benefits of salvation, but remain immature and seemingly unwilling to press on to a life that reflects the heart of Christ’s teachings on what it means to be a disciple.  For lack of a better term, they are spectators – enjoying the fruits of the game, but not actually on the playing field.  In contrast to that picture I have seen an entirely different group of people (tragically much less in number) whose hearts are fully engaged in the pursuit of the Christ-life.  They do not come to spectate at a game, but rather are actively in the arena – living out the commands of Christ and seeking with their entire being to reflect the heart of their Teacher (Jesus Christ) in every part and parcel of their existence.

As I have prayed over this disparity and the unrest it has created in my heart, I have become convinced that God desires to do a work in me and through me that communicates the essential call of authentic discipleship.  His call does not yield an easy believism, but rather a transformational life that results in a heart that is committed to reflecting Christ in daily living and in that active reflection bearing fruit that remains – lives that are touched by the Gospel communicated and transformed by the grace offered.

While on this time of sabbatical, I have found that unrest growing in me.  It seems as though God is saying that “now is the time” to first make certain that I live out personally and then communicate a radical commitment to authentic discipleship and what it means to “be like our Teacher.”

In my readings these past few days I have been drawn at this point to Bill Hull’s book The Disciple Making Pastor.*  In an insightful quote from Elton Trueblood I read, Perhaps the greatest single weakness of the contemporary Christian Church is that millions of supposed members are not really involved at all and, what is worse, do not think it strange that they are not.  As soon as we recognize Christ’s intention to make His Church a militant company we understand at once that the conventional arrangement cannot suffice.  There is no real chance of victory in a campaign if ninety per cent of the soldiers are untrained and uninvolved, but that is exactly where we stand now.  Most alleged Christians do not now understand that loyalty to Christ means sharing personally in His ministry, going or staying as the situation requires (23-24).  Hull goes on to say, the test of a congregation, apart from personal holiness, is how effectively members penetrate the world.  American churches are filled with pew-filling, sermon-tasting, spiritual schizophrenics, whose belief and behavior are not congruent (24).

In my heart, I do not want to believe that my ministry has yielded this kind of spectator people.  Yet, the reality is when I survey the growth of the congregations I have pastored these nearly 24 years, I see much, if not most of the growth in those congregations has come through transfer – what Hull calls the rotation of the saints (24).  My heart aches at the reality of that truth and I long for what Christ has called us to – to be authentic disciples whose lives are engaged in the process of reproducing ourselves in the hearts and lives of those we minister to and reach for Him.  What is most important is not numbers, but souls – harvested from a world and a culture that is lost and aimless, fixed in its pursuit of self and the promotion of ever deepening sin.

That brings me this day to the reality that the change must begin in me and then be translated through me into the hearts of those I shepherd.  I cannot remain the same, and neither can they.  We must break through the reality of spiritual lethargy George Barna characterized as thus: The chief barrier to effective discipleship is not that people do not have the ability to become spiritually mature, but they lack the passion, perspective, priorities, and perseverance to develop their spiritual lives…for most of us, regardless of our intellectual assent to the importance of Christian growth, our passions lay elsewhere – and our schedule and energy follow those passions.  Most believers, it turns out, are satisfied to engage in a process without regard for the product (35).  Hull comments, the trouble begins when we take on this philosophy, namely, ‘It’s primarily about me, I am the center, and my needs are preeminent’ (36).  That truth, more than anything else, has made the church miles wide and inches deep – and leaves me wondering, “do we even want to truly be disciples?”  My response is “Yes, I want to be an authentic disciple who reflects the heart of my Teacher” but I can only speak for me.  What of those I shepherd?  My heart cries out, I pray they will join me in this bold pursuit.

So what then is this life to which Christ and all of heaven is calling us to?  Hull comments we can summarize Jesus’ teaching on disciples as follows.  A disciple:

·         Is willing to deny self, take up a cross daily, and follow Him (Luke 9:23).

·         Puts Christ before self, family, and possessions (Luke 14:25-35).

·         Is committed to Christ’s teachings (John 8:31).

·         Is committed to world evangelism (Matthew 9:36-38).

·         Loves others as Christ loves (John 13:34-35).

·         Abides in Christ, is obedient, bears fruit, glorifies God, has joy, and loves the brethren (John 15:7-17).

If a person is not willing to make such commitments, Jesus declares emphatically three times, “He cannot be My disciple” (see Luke 14:26-27, 33). (75)

Further, citing John 15:7-17, Hull states that the six characteristics of the profile of a disciple are:

·         A disciple remains in Christ through the Word and prayer;

·         A disciple is obedient;

·         A disciple bears fruit;

·         A disciple glorifies God;

·         A disciple has joy; and

·         A disciple loves as Christ loves.

The product is a person who is formed into the likeness of our Leader.  Jesus was a man for others.  He came to offer Himself as a servant, and he sacrificed Himself.  His disciples’ first calling, then, is to choose the same life – a life of humility, submission, sacrifice, and service.  When we begin to live for others, we will begin to have the same effect on others as Jesus did.  Living for others in brokenness is where the power is.  Our brokenness is God’s special playground; it is where he becomes mature in us (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).  [Thus] what it means to be a disciple [is simply this]. “Rearrange your life around the practices of Jesus” (95).

And that is my prayer…that my life could be “rearranged around the practices of Jesus” to the point that as His student, I begin to reflect my Teacher, and so help others to truly find and reflect Him as well.  In praying that prayer, God has brought me to a place where I now am examining myself daily with a series of questions that John Wesley submitted to his “Holy Club” at Oxford in the mid-1700’s.  Wesley’s desire then was to be an authentic disciple and lead others to be the same, and he believed that in a spiritual exercise and discipline of self-examination, life could be lived in such a manner that it truly did reflect the heart of Jesus.  Here is the list that Wesley shared and that Christ is calling me to in this pursuit of being (or truly becoming) an authentic disciple who reflects the heart of his Teacher:

1.       Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?

2.       Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

3.       Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told to me in confidence?

4.       Can I be trusted?

5.       Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?

6.       Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?

7.       Did the Bible live in me today?

8.       Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

9.       Am I enjoying prayer?

10.   When did I last speak to someone else about my faith?

11.   Do I pray about the money I spend?

12.   Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

13.   Do I disobey God in anything?

14.   Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?

15.   Am I defeated in any part of my life?

16.   Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?

17.   How do I spend my spare time?

18.   Am I proud?

19.   Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?

20.   Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?

21.   Do I grumble or complain constantly?

22.   Is Christ real to me?

Oh Lord, may Your life and Your heart be seen in me!

Bill Hull, The Disciple Making Pastor: Leading Others on the Journey of Faith (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007)

Lessons for the Living

Four character concepts – authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage.  Writing of the commonalities in the demise of six CEO’s, Tim Irwin* uses these four concepts to describe the places where people in leadership make grave mistakes.  He also points out that when they become points of focus, they can help the leader to not only succeed, but excel in the pursuit of their goals.

Irwin defines these four concepts through example and helps us to see the effect of not getting it right.  At the same time, he focuses our thoughts on what it means to have or be each of the four concepts:

1.      A failure of authenticity is not a blatant attempt to deceive but rather is a failure to let others see who we really are (111).  When we see people who actually are who they “appear” to be, we call them authentic.  There’s alignment between the inner person and the outer person (114).  Becoming more authentic is not without risks; however, a person’s unwillingness to risk expression of their true beliefs and convictions and to break through the “authenticity barrier” eventually becomes their undoing.  Lack of authenticity becomes a derailment factor (116).

2.      Self-management may be best defined as skill, insight, sensitivity, impulse control, optimism, and persistence applied in the particular environment in which we work and live (123).  Effective self-management is heavily dependent upon good self and other awareness.  A lack of self and other awareness is a common denominator among those who derail.  The ability to manage ourselves and to manage our relationships is heavily dependent upon our perceptiveness of what’s going on within us and others.  Self-aware individuals pay attention to their emotions without being ruled by them.  They observe the responses of others and are able to adjust their behavior to make their interaction more effective (126).  One interesting component in the area of self-management is the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ).  As defined by Daniel Goleman, EQ comprises the capability to be self-aware, self-managing, interpersonally effective, stress tolerant, and optimistic.  Goleman’s research indicates that the higher a leader rises in an organization, the less important technical skills become and the more important EQ becomes (125).

3.      Humility is not about being self-deprecating or arrogant.  It’s about self-forgetfulness, remembering that in our jobs we’re seeking to serve others.  All jobs have a “that is why I’m here” factor.  The “why” is usually to serve a customer or to provide information or resources to someone who serves a customer.  Humility is about an accurate self-assessment – “My job is important and I need to do it well” – but it’s also the freedom to not inflate who you are or what you’re doing (137).  Humility at work means we are coachable.  “Coachability” has nothing to do with age or position (139).  Irwin cites an old axiom to illustrate the point of humility: “If the leader didn’t come to work today, everything would probably get done; if the people didn’t come to work today, nothing would get done” (138).

4.      Courage is not being unafraid.  It’s about choosing to do the right thing under difficult circumstances (149).  A courageous act only occurs when we are also convinced that something is true and truly important, rather than simply a preference (150).  Courage to do the right thing results from clarity about what we believe (153).

Having worked through those definitions, I personally see incredible value in incorporating their positive focus into my scheme of “non-negotiables” that are to be a part of the second half of my journey.  No doubt, there have been times in my journey to this point where I can see points at which I have not measured up in regards to the four of the areas in question at differing times and places.  But for me, the focus is not to be gripped by a sense of failure, but rather a commitment to answering the question, “What am I going to do about it?”  Socrates once said that “The life which is unexamined is not worth living” (151).  In my pursuit to be the authentic disciple that Christ has called me to, a healthy self-examination must ensue, and that is what I am committed to in these days of discovery.

Two thoughts pervade my mind and heart today:

1.      While critics may be many, Jesus made it clear that we were to remove the log from our own eye before addressing the speck in someone else’s (Matthew 7:3-4).  In our culture today, we are all tempted to point an accusing finger when things don’t go as we desire.  What would happen though if instead of looking to others to find a scapegoat, we simply looked within and allowed God to examine our hearts?  I love the prayer of David, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139:23-24, NASB).  His words do not illicit a sense of being vengeful or accusatory – instead they reflect a desire to go deep within and make certain that as an individual he was not the problem.  That is my desire.  To allow God to search my heart to make certain that as I move into the second half of my journey, that I will live with a clear sense of certainty knowing that God knows me and that He has made me to know myself so that I can be authentic, self-mastered, humble, and courageous.

2.      Secondly, I must always remember the example of Jesus.  His is a picture of a life that was lived truly authentic, fully self-mastered and aware, humble to a fault, and courageous in all things.  If I am to be His disciple, I must so order my world, not because I have to, but because I want to.  I want to reflect the very heart of Jesus, and in so doing, reveal to others a life on a journey that refuses to be derailed by the pettiness that comes from wearing masks, or blaming others, or being arrogant, or simply, refusing to act.  I must pattern my life and my living after the One who never wore the mask of falsehood, or sought to blame others, or exerted pressure because of His position, or idly stood by and let things happen because He refused to act.  I must, as it were, put on authenticity (measured through accountability), self-management (realizing I am His Temple in every area of my life, and that I must know and respond to the culture within which I am living), humility (accepting nothing for myself that Christ might in all things be glorified), and courageous (choosing to act out of a sense of what I know to be true and truthful, right and certain), that in all things His kingdom might be advanced in and through me.

I close these thoughts admitting that God is seriously at work in my heart.  I can see through what He is doing that He is shaping my heart for something greater than I have previously known.  There is depth of character and purpose.  There is a resiliency to criticism and attack.  There is a motivation to act in concert with the One who is leading me.  And there is a new and strong desire to step beyond what has up to this point become very comfortable and live on the edge of the dangerous – where obedience to God alone captures my attention and captivates the pursuit of my life.  I no longer want to maintain the status quo or serve in environments that tolerate anything less than excellence.  I want to model Christ, to mirror Christ, and to share Christ in every area of my life and being.  I want to authentically be (both publicly and privately) the person Christ alone knows.  I want to master both my own life and be a student of the culture in which I live to serve and be aware of all that it has to offer, and all the traps and temptations that it puts in my way so that I do not fall prey to its seduction.  I want to exude humility – not to the point of self-deprecation, but so as to live in a manner that Christ gets all the credit.  And I want to be a man of courage – who acts as the Spirit leads, not according to the sound of the loudest drummer or the whims and fancies of man, but in step with the One whose Church I love and whose will I ultimately want to fulfill with my life.  Lord, help me to be that man and so to live regardless of the cost or consequences.

*Tim Irwin, Derailed: Five Lessons Learned From Catastrophic Failures of Leadership (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2009)

Lord, dont' let me be DERAILED!

Today I read Tim Irwin's book Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership.*  It chronicles in brief the failures of six CEO's and the steps that led to their demise.  As he progresses to tell the story of each and then make observations of the similar components in their stories of leadership failure, he delineates four major qualities of CHARACTER that must be held in balance to find success in leadership.

It is best to share a quote from the early pages of the book to set up the story and how it has impacted me: (see page 17)

I (Irwin) noted that derailment often results from a failure of character.  Character forms our perspectives, guides our decisions, and influences how we treat others.  [As] we unpack the character-rooted qualities that actually cause derailment, it will become apparent that there are only four.  Though expressed in a variety of different behaviors, they are all tied to a lack of or failure of one of these four critical qualities:

1. Authenticity
2. Self-management
3. Humility
4. Courage

As Irwin defines CHARACTER he is not talking about a behavior that results in a sense of dishonesty that results in fraudulent behavior, but rather compromised character in a broader sense - for example, hubris or being dismissive of others (xvi). 

As I think about how Irwin sees character, I realize how significant the responses of each of the leaders whose story he chronicled need to be examined in the light of my own life as a leader -- albeit I lead a church, not a Fortune 500 company.  Listen to his words: Character forms our perspectives, guides our decisions, and influences how we treat others (17).  Unlike a more traditional understanding where character has a significant moral/ethical component, Irwin is more concerned about the relational and practical components that speak to issues not only in the corporate world view, but also have incredible impact in a Christian world view.

As I have thought today about his key character components of authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage, I have been amazed at how many points of application in my life, leadership style, relationships, and world Irwin's insights truly have.  Irwin's words on character are powerful and leave me thinking through my own "character" positions and what I see as important in my world.  Listen to some of the thoughts he shares...

Life is full to the brim with opportunities for good or evil -- our character determines which way we will go (100).

We always become who we are.  It may take time or stress or illness, but what's inside us tends to come out.  Our character serves as the wellspring from which our behavior emerges (100).

Character must outweight charisma.  Character is not about personal charm or appeal.  Sound character works like a boat's ballast, so that when we encounter turbulence, we don't keel over and take on water.  If we are top heavy and place more emphasis on having a vivacious personality, dressing for success, or having a slick presentation than on having substance, we are eventually going to sink (101).

Character is the foundation of great leadership.  We have to get this right to stay on track.  Leaders must set direction, gain alignment among diverse constituencies, risk change, build high-performing teams, achieve results, go the extra mile, and endure ungodly stress.  To be enthusiastically followed, leaders must also be guided by an inner compass that fosters trust on the part of their followers (102).

Over the next week or so, I will share how Irwin's four key components are intersecting my life and how I feel they need to intersect the heart of the church.  In reality, everything he writes has application in my life and in the world of the church where I live and serve.  My prayer is that unlike the six CEO's whose stories he chronicled, sharing their demise and failures, that I will be found faithful and that the church I lead will respond to the higher call to go into all that world and make disciples -- for that is truly the only thing we are to be about.




*Tim Irwin, Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2009).